A New Road
by Samunderthelights
Summary: After almost seeing Halfdan die in battle, Bjorn realises just how much he cares for his friend.


"Retreat!"

Bjorn can feel the adrenaline raging through his body, and his instincts are telling him to fight. Never run, never flee. Fight until the end.

But he sees the bodies lying all around him, and he knows that too many people have been lost. He has fought enough battles to know when you cannot win.

And when he sees his half-brother, Ivar, staring at him, that big, arrogant grin on his face, he knows that more is coming. Much more.

"Retreat!" he shouts out again, trying to make himself be heard. But with the screaming of dying men, the sounds of metal against metal, he fears it is already too late.

"Retreat!" he repeats, at the top of his lungs, before taking one final look at his half-brother. He turns around, hoping to make his way back to safety in time. But then he notices someone on the ground. A familiar face. For a moment, he continues to run, as he has been taught to do. Don't look back, just run.

But he knows what he has seen, and he knows he can't ignore it. So he turns back around, knowing it will most likely kill him. Still he runs back to the man he has seen on the ground, hoping to have been mistaken. Hoping that it had been a trick.

"Halfdan?" he asks, as he kneels down beside his friend. The man is bleeding from a large wound on the side of his neck, and for a moment, Bjorn is sure that the wound has killed him. But then the man blinks, and it feels as though Bjorn has been hit by lightning.

"Bjorn, we must leave!" Lagertha shouts at her son, as she makes her way back to him.

"He's still alive," Bjorn explains, but the second his mother reaches him, she pulls him up to his feet, ready to drag him away.

"Leave him!"

"I can't. He's not dead," Bjorn says, as he pulls away from her. Lagertha knows that there is no time to argue, so she gives a small nod, before letting Bjorn lift the man up. He puts him over his shoulder, knowing that the weight will slow him down. But he has to take the risk. He would never be able to forgive himself if he didn't.

"Go, I will catch up with you," Bjorn says, but Lagertha looks over her shoulder, a worried look on her face, before flashing a smile.

"I'm your mother, Bjorn. I am not going to leave you behind."

* * *

"Is he going to make it?" Bjorn asks, looking down at his friend, who is still unconscious. His wound has stopped bleeding, but his skin looks ashen, deadly.

"I don't know. He has lost a lot of blood," Lagertha says, as she brushes the hair out of Halfdan's face. She looks up at her son, a worried look on her face. "You cannot stay with him until…"

"I have to," Bjorn interrupts her, and his mother sighs.

"Get some sleep, Bjorn. I will stay here and look after him."

"If he wakes up…"

"I will let you know." Lagertha flashes a small smile, before looking back at the man, who hasn't moved since they have gotten back from the battlefield.

Bjorn hesitates for a moment, but he can't deny that he is exhausted. At first the adrenaline had kept him going, but after staying with Halfdan for two days, there is no more adrenaline left. His legs are shaking, and his vision is starting to blur. And as soon as he lies down, he is fast asleep.

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Lagertha asks, staring down into Halfdan's tired eyes. The man had woken up a little while ago, but she had given him some time to drink some water and to get his head around what had happened.

"He didn't kill me then?"

"Not yet."

"Bjorn? Is he…"

"He saved your life," Lagertha explains. "He carried you back here on his back, and risked his own life."

"He did?" Halfdan asks, unable to hide the small smile on his face.

"It seems he cares a lot for you. He has not left your side since we came back."

"Where is he?" the man asks, before closing his eyes, and bringing his hand up to the wound on his neck.

"Don't touch it. It is healing, but it needs time. You almost died," Lagertha explains. Halfdan opens his eyes again, looking up at her, and she brushes the hair out of his face.

"Where is Bjorn?"

"I will go and tell him you have woken up." Lagertha flashes a small smile, before getting up and leaving the room. She makes her way over to her son, and when she finds him, still fast asleep, she wonders if she should leave him be. But she knows how worried he had been for his friend, so she goes over to him, and gently touches his arm.

"Bjorn?"

Bjorn jumps at the touch, and it takes him only a moment to wake up. And when he sees his mother, he can't help but wonder if she is here to tell him bad news.

"Halfdan? Is he…?"

"He has woken up. He is asking for you," Lagertha explains, and she can't help but smile at the look on her son's face. He gives her a big hug, before getting up and leaving the room.

"You saved my life again?" Halfdan asks, when he enters the room, and that's when it fully hits Bjorn that he truly could have lost him. That if he had not gone back, that Halfdan would be in Valhalla right now, and he would have never seen him again.

"I…," he begins to say, but he is overcome by emotions, as he sits down on the side of his bed. The other man reaches out to take his hand, and when Bjorn feels his touch, he knows that this isn't a dream. He is still here, and he is awake.

"We are going to beat them next time," Halfdan says, before giving a squeeze in Bjorn's hand. "You and me, side by side." He flashes a small smile, but Bjorn can see the pain in his eyes.

"You need to rest. You cannot fight. Not anymore."

"I will be back on my feet before you know it," Halfdan says. "I will be there when you fight them."

"I wish we wouldn't have to fight anymore," Bjorn admits, as he looks down at their hands. "I wish we could just live in peace."

"And see even more of the world?" Halfdan suggests, and Bjorn can't help but smile through his tears. "We will do that. One day."

"We can take a boat, and we…," Bjorn begins, but then he shakes his head.

"What?"

"Why don't we just leave?"

"You have family here, Bjorn," Halfdan says. "They need you."

"Is that what you want? A family?"

"I…" Halfdan begins, but then he lets go of Bjorn's hand, and he brings his hand up to the wound on his neck.

"Does it hurt?"

"I've had worse," Halfdan laughs, but then he starts coughing, and he is obviously in so much pain, that Bjorn holds him down, hoping to keep him still so the pain will stop. "Give me a day or two and I will be ready to fight."

"I know." Bjorn smiles to himself, before looking down at his hands. "Do you think you will ever get married?" he then asks, but there is no answer, and for a moment he worries that Halfdan has died. So he looks over to him, and is relieved to find him alive. But there is a pained look on his face, and Bjorn can tell that he is keeping something to himself. "What is it?"

"I don't think I will ever get married, Bjorn."

"Why not? Do you not want a family?"

"I do," Halfdan says, a sad smile on his face. "I do."

"But what? We can find you a woman. There are plenty of…"

"I don't want a woman," Halfdan interrupts him. For a moment Bjorn wonders why not, but then he realises what his friend is saying, and he gives a little nod.

"I see."

"That is why I cannot ever get married," Halfdan explains.

"I understand. But you can still find someone and be happy," Bjorn says, and his friend sighs.

"What if I have already found this person?"

"Have you?"

"I think you know I have," Halfdan answers, and Bjorn looks away, down to his hands, unable to face his friend. Unable to say something to him.

But he doesn't have to say something, because his mother walks into the room, and he is grateful for the interruption.

"I must go and eat," he says. "I will be back later."

"Do you want me to leave?" Lagertha asks, but her son ignores her, as he walks past her. So she simply sits down on the side of Halfdan's bed, and takes his hand in hers.

"I could not help but overhear…"

"Of course you did."

"Do you love my son?" Lagertha asks.

"I do," Halfdan answers, and Lagertha can't help but smile at his honesty.

"I think he loves you too. But my son, he… being the son of the great Ragnar Lothbrok, it comes with a lot of…"

"That's not why I love him," Halfdan interrupts him, and Lagertha can't help but laugh.

"That is not what I meant. I mean that my son feels like he has no freedom. He has to be here to fight. He cannot…" She sighs. "He cannot take a lover and run away with him."

"With all due respect, I do not wish to be his lover."

"No?"

"No," Halfdan answers, ignoring his pain, as he forces himself to sit up, to be at the same height as Lagertha, to look her straight in the eyes. "I love your son, like a…"

"Like a what?" Lagertha asks, but Halfdan shakes his head. "No, tell me."

"You will mock me."

"I won't."

"Like you loved Ragnar," Halfdan explains, and Lagertha can't help but smile. "I know I cannot marry your son, but…"

"Perhaps not. But things are changing all the time, so maybe one day you will."

"You said you would not mock me."

"I am not. I promise," Lagertha says. "But I know my son, maybe even better than he knows himself. And you need to give him time."

"I know."

* * *

"What are you doing out of bed?" Bjorn asks, when he sees Halfdan struggling to make his way over to him. He had been sitting in the grass, trying to get away from everything and everyone, hoping to have a moment to think things over.

But when he sees Halfdan, he jumps up, and he wraps an arm around him, to help him take the weight off his legs. He sits him down in the grass, before sitting down next to him. But the minute he looks at his face, he realises that he cannot run away any longer. Ever since their conversation, almost a week ago, he had made sure he would not be alone with his friend, so they could not discuss it anymore. But now that they are here, he has no more choice.

"I have not stopped thinking about what you told me," he admits, and Halfdan nods, a knowing look on his face.

"Was I wrong?"

"No," Bjorn admits. "I think I have known it for some time now."

"I bet you wish you would have left me out in that field now, don't you?" Halfdan laughs, trying to make light of the situation, but Bjorn just looks up at him, a serious look on his face.

"I cannot lose you, Halfdan. I need you with me."

"Yes?"

"Yes," Bjorn admits, before taking the other man's hand in his. "I cannot… I don't know how to do this. I am not…" He struggles to find the right words, but then he just sighs. "I have never felt like this before, and it scares me."

Halfdan brings Bjorn's hand up to his mouth, before carefully kissing it, and flashing a small, nervous smile.

"I know."

* * *

"I knew I would find you out here."

"It's peaceful."

"For now," Lagertha says, as she looks out over the water, before looking at her son's face. "Tell me, what is on your mind?"

"It does not matter."

"Halfdan?"

"How do you know?"

"I'm your mother." Lagertha smiles, before looking back out at the water. "He loves you."

"Yes."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes," Bjorn answers, saying it out loud still making his heart skip a beat. "Does that upset you?"

"Upset me?" Lagertha laughs. "Why would it? Because he's a man?"

"Yes."

"Have you already forgotten about Astrid?"

"That is different," Bjorn says. "You are women, and… that is just different."

"How?"

"It just is."

"It is not," Lagertha says, unable to hide how offended she is. "You think you are better than a women, and therefore it would be a greater shame?"

"No, I…"

"Because you are not," his mother interrupts him, and Bjorn quickly looks down at his hands. "Your father might have been Ragnar Lothbrok, but you are still just a man, Bjorn."

"I know that."

"Good."

"I sometimes wonder what father would think, if he were here now," Bjorn admits. "If he could see us, his sons, at war with each other."

"If your father was still with us, none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have let it happen," Lagertha says.

"Do you they can see us, in Valhalla?"

"I don't know."

"I hope he has found his peace there," Bjorn says, but his mother sighs. "What?"

"I don't know if he is there, Bjorn."

"What do you mean?"

"I think maybe he is in this other Heaven, Athelstan's Heaven."

"But…"

"That is what he wanted," Lagertha explains. "After he died, he wanted to be reunited with Athelstan."

"He loved him, didn't he?" Bjorn asks, and his mother nods.

"Very much. And I hope your father has found him again, wherever he may be."

"I used to blame Athelstan, for father…"

"Athelstan was a good man," his mother interrupts him. "He was not to blame for anything your father did. Ragnar loved him, but his love did not blind him."

"Do you miss him?"

"Of course."

"Do you still love him?" Bjorn asks, but as soon as the words have left his mouth, he sees the tears forming in his mother's eyes.

"I will never love anyone like I loved Ragnar."

"Even after…"

"Never."

* * *

Bjorn is in bed, trying to sleep, but he can't. He knows that they will have to go back into battle again tomorrow, and although the thought of fighting once upon a time had excited him, it now fills him up with dread, with fear. Knowing that he will be fighting against his half-brothers, that he might have to kill them, it scares him. Although he would never speak the words out loud.

And just as he is about to turn around, for the so-manieth time, he hears the door to his bedroom opening. Within a second, the axe which he keeps by his bed, is in his hands.

"Whoa!"

"Halfdan?" he asks, and only now are his eyes adjusting to the dark. "What are you doing here?"

"May I?" his friend asks, pointing at the bed. Bjorn isn't sure what is happening, but he puts down the axe, and moves over to the side. Halfdan gets in with him, a shy smile on his face.

"How is your neck?"

"Sore," Halfdan says, and Bjorn can't help but notice the closed wound, which is turning into a scar, slowly but surely. "I wish I could be there with you tomorrow."

"You are too weak."

"I am not."

"You are. I cannot risk it," Bjorn says. "I cannot lose you."

"I cannot lose you either," Halfdan then says, before bringing his hand up to his friend's face. "I need you to come back, Bjorn."

"I will."

"Promise me," Halfdan whispers, but Bjorn looks away, knowing that he can't make such a promise. "Promise me we will travel the world together. Just you and I."

"We will," Bjorn says, before looking back at him, his friend's hand still on the side of his face. "We will."

"May I kiss you, Bjorn Ironside?"

Bjorn hesitates for a moment, but then he realises that this might be his last night on earth. His last night with Halfdan. These might be their last moments together before he dies in battle tomorrow.

So he nods, and Halfdan flashes a small smile, before kissing him ever so gently. Bjorn had expected his kisses to be rough, brutal. But his kiss is so gentle, so full of love, that for a moment, he is disappointed. So he places his hand on the back of Halfdan's neck, and pulls him in for another kiss. A longer kiss this time, and this is when he realises that that first kiss had only been the beginning. And as more kisses follow, they grow more passionate, their grow messier, they grow rougher.

But then Halfdan slides his hand underneath the animal skin which is on top of them to keep them warm, sliding it over his chest, his fingers gently touching his hipbone, and then his thigh, but then he breaks their kiss.

"What are…"

"I am sorry," Halfdan quickly apologises. "I thought… I am so sorry."

"No, I have to apologise." Bjorn sighs. "I got nervous."

"If this is not what you want, then…"

"It is," Bjorn quickly says, before giving him a kiss. And when he looks into Halfdan's eyes, the hesitation which he had felt only moments ago, is gone. He loves him, he trusts him. This is what he wants. Halfdan is what he wants.

* * *

"You will come back, won't you?"

"I will," Bjorn laughs, because Halfdan has asked him this at least a dozen times since this morning. "and if not, I will meet you again in Valhalla."

"Don't you dare!"

"I will be back. Don't you worry."

"I love you," Halfdan whispers, and where Bjorn would have been nervous about others overhearing him, only weeks before, he now just has a big smile on his face. He wraps his arms around the other man's waist, and pulls him close. He gives him a kiss, before letting go of him, and joining his mother and the others who are ready to leave.

"You seem different," Lagertha says, and Bjorn looks at her. "Like you have found peace."

"You say this before we go into battle?" he laughs, and his mother smiles.

"Not that kind of peace. But peace within yourself. You have always been fighting against something, perhaps against your name, because of what you have to live up to because of your father, or…" she sighs. "You have always been fighting against yourself, Bjorn."

"You think that has changed?"

"I can see it has." Lagertha smiles, before putting her hand on the side of her son's face. "You have changed, Bjorn. You have become who you were always meant to be."

"Do you really think so?"

"I know so."

"What if, after today, I want to leave, to go travel?" Bjorn asks, and his mother flashes a small smile. "Halfdan and I, we…"

"Go. You deserve to be happy, Bjorn. Before you know it, it's too late," Lagertha says. "So you do what you want to do."

"Won't you need me here?"

"We will manage without you," Lagertha reassures him. "Knowing that you are living a full and happy life, that is all I need."

Bjorn turns to look over his shoulder, and when he sees Halfdan looking at him, he can't help but smile. For just a moment, he allows himself to think about the future. To dream of the two of them, travelling the world, meeting new people, no more fighting, no more war. For just a moment, he allows himself to dream of the two of them, growing old together, somewhere on a farm. It would be quiet, and peaceful. They would have been happy.

But when he turns back around, he is faced with the reality. Today there is no happiness, there is no peace and quiet. There will be fighting, and there will be death. And as he looks around him, he knows that any of these people could be dead within a matter of hours. His mother could be dead. He could be dead. And just as the harsh reality is about to overwhelm him, his mother grabs his hand, and she squeezes it.

"You are not going to die today. I promise."


End file.
